Okay, so, who besides me sometimes tries to get someone else to do something your way? Like a small thing. PS: When your objective is to “control” someone, there are no small things. LIke, say, where to eat dinner. You want Chinese take-out, your partner wants to go to a Mexican restaurant. So it’s…time for an Improv Super Power #2:
God how I love being aware of my objective. In improv, on stage, it’s called Serve the Scene (rather than your exhaustive ego.) As soon as I notice that I’m getting tense in my “need” for Chinese take-out (e.g. my voice louder, no fun in my body) I can go, “Ah HA! Time to check my objective!”
And then, voila: My (tension-making, unconscious) objective was to “get my way.” Oh, THAT again! Then I can reset with an objective that matters WAY MORE to me: Being able to breathe pleasurably in my body. I love that objective!
And god how the fallout is glorious: I can listen, and care about what the other person wants, in addition to what I want. And then, who knows, with all that spacious conscious respect in the room, often a third idea pops in. Like we call out the power struggle and enjoy going to see what’s easy to fix that we have in the frig. Yes!-Ann